One year ago, I, like millions of people worldwide, went on furlough due to the COVID-19 crisis that created the second-ish recession in my life since graduating college in 2006.
2020 Erika then was beyond terrified; her left eye twitched for weeks on end; she stayed up until 3/4 a.m. in the morning, just losing time to scrolling on her phone or staring at the sky. She was not ok, worrying whether she would get let go from Disney for the second time in two years.
2021 Erika today feels strong and secure in her career; she knows that things happen, and she has no fears that she can take care of herself, or as Glennon Doyle reminds us: We can do hard things.
I told you last year that I spent a lot of my time during my furlough, staying at my parent’s house in St. Augustine, running errands for them, trying to blog/stay positive, and really journal my way back into my job being recalled from Disney. It turns out you can journal/mediate/burn incense to your heart’s content, but what is meant FOR you will always find a way. And it turns out that Disney and I were not meant for each other, at least right now anyway.
My fears during furlough were two-fold: My finances were not it. I was not adhering to a budget, my savings were in shambles, and I was spending outside of my means. And secondly, I was really fearful for a post-Disney life. I had truly tied my self-worth to be able to say to people, “I work for Disney!” It was cool; it was sexy; it was something that not everyone was able to do. And the work that I did for Disney was unique, transforming, and provided a tiny bit of notoriety when I told people what I did for a living.
I shared with my Dad one night over dinner by the pool that I hung my hopes on working for Disney. People I worked with had careers longer than I had been alive. I had co-workers who had multiple ‘careers’ but never left the company. I thought there was safety in that. Disney was the career security blanket that I needed.
While growing up, my family and I moved a handful of times for my Dad’s job (No, not Military…Paper! He was real-life Michael Scott but cooler, if that’s possible!). Like many other people in the workforce, my Dad lost his job a few times due to a variety of reasons: corporate mergers, recessions, etc. And while he was incredible, learned from every experience, and bounced back stronger and better than ever, I was so terrified of the same thing happening to me.
This is why Disney seemed like the safest choice that I could make in my career. I mean, where was Disney going? Everyone wanted to go to Walt Disney World! However, you’d think that I would have realized in the Spring of 2018 that I would have seen the error of my ways when I was let go the first time. During last year’s furlough, I realized that I never allowed myself to feel/heal/process what being let go meant and what it did to my psyche. Instead, I put my head down and worked so hard to get a job within the company again I didn’t stop to ask myself,” Am I doing the right thing?”
I didn’t even tell my parents I got let go in 2018 until I had a new job and explained to them why I was leaving MagicBands. And guess what? I didn’t tell them I was furloughed until the day before it was official. I was so afraid of disappointing them or exposing my vulnerability and fears that I tried to hide it from the two people who wanted to know these things the most.
My Disney security blanket was filled with holes and was no longer keeping me warm. As I sat with my Dad by the pool, splitting a bottle of wine, I let him know about my fears, and I asked him how he did it. I had asked my Dad’s advice on how to get promoted or how to move around within a company, but I never stopped to ask him how to navigate the world of getting let go. FYI: I have a great gut instinct; I knew that this furlough would lead to me leaving Disney one way or another.
That conversation with my Dad quickly set a lot of things in motion for me. I aggressively attacked my budget and my debts. I focused on creating a resume for the post-Disney world. I started to reach out to friends and colleagues that worked in Orlando and outside of Disney. I started to make getting a new job my full-time job. And that meant blogging had to be put by the wayside.
It was important that I find myself and who I wanted to be and start dreaming and planning for the future me. I often think about 65-year-old Erika. I do not want her to be so upset with 37-year-old Erika for not thinking ahead about retirement, college for her kids (fingers crossed!), and what a beautiful and happy future looks like.
I’ll get more into what I’m doing these days for work and the fun and cool things I have learned along the way that I can’t wait to tell you about. But, I learned ONE huge thing that I remind myself of every day:
I want to create a life that I love waking up for every day. We are not our jobs, and our jobs do not define us. Every day, we get to decide who we are and how we are defined, and that is what life is all about.
Leave a Reply